She's Unseelie

im alive… but just barely.

i just want to go back to sleep… but alas i must shower, put on a happy face and go deal with it.. yay /sigh.

I started a fire themed fall last night, hopefully gonna get it finished soon… just wanted to give everyone a heads up befor i started posting tons of pictures of dreads soon… not being on the road anymore has given me the break to start doing what i actuallly enjoy doing again… etsy site to come in the near future along with a full on website of products… hopefully be winter…

its nice to be inspired again. <3

taking a little time befor i got to pack to head back out to PA.  My head is currently spinning due to some dreams i had last night… not bad dreams like normal.. actually the exact opposite…  Dreams that make me really feel like anything is possible.  Dreams that kinda give me the little push i need right now to get thru the next few weeks and follow thru with what i have been attempting to do for years now.

I’m hoping by December to have a web page up and running with atleast 4 products avalible on it (which ones i’m going to start with i’m not quite sure, but i have rolled around the idea of t-shirts/tanktops/hoodies, buttons, bumper stickers, jewerly, and of course hair falls) and by next spring to have a few small conventions lined up. 

I know I’m talented and I know my ideas will work… i just really need to buckle down and stop getting discouraged with everything.  I need to embrace life and live instead of just hoping things are going to get better. if I let go of all the negativity that I constantly hold on to then things will indeed get better with out me having to try so damn hard. :)

in other news im back to being a flaming red head :)

i’ve been doing alot of contemplating recently, putting a lot of thought into what exactlly i want to be doing not only to make myself happy but to make D happy. 

Frankly, aspects of the road are killing us.  Never being home, Me never getting to see family, feeling like i’ve lost contact with *everyone*, never knowing what kinda income we’re going to have from one show to another, Never having any time just for us to be us with out spending the majority of that time asleep or prepairing to leave again. And then there is the constant nag of the boss who has no respect for anyone nor common courtesy.

Our days with CD are numbered.  We’re doing opening weekend of PARF (penn renn fest) this upcoming weekend but hopefully we will be outta there soon. 

I have seasonal work i can fall back on with the possibility of it being something more than just seasonal.  After poking over a few job sites this morning apparently there are a few bars opening up in the area that i have sent info off to as well. Although the job market sucks i dont see any reason why we wont be able to find *something* around here.

i have a brain full of ideas and hopfully a sewing machine headed my way. i need to talk to a few people and get some stuff set in stone… but the winds have changed.

Heading to PA this morning sometime for a biker rally this weekend, then its off to Baltimore for Otakon… I long for a few weeks off but need the money.  I really need to get my head clear and do some serious brain storming on products and how to get shit done for my own business… i’m tired of having to work someone elses schedual and 9 times out of 10 having to fix one of her fuck ups.

I need to talk to a few people, get some input, find out if they would be intersted in helping out or atleast giving some advice. need to do some research on the legal side of things and find out how much money i need to have saved up for license and tax id.  need to make up some prototypes, find a decent web space and start building a page… need a nap and time off lol.

anywho… as you can see im still alive… and hopefully i’ll get around to updating a little more soon… cross your digits for me :)

time off went by way too fast. I truely feel like I lost a day or two of relaxation in there somewhere and yet accomplished fuck all. 

We head out here in the next few hours to start the trek back up to PA to shuffle stock and load trucks.  Then its off to Hampton, Va for the black beard festival and then after that perhaps a quick swing home then its off to Alverado, Tx for a 21+ biker gig. 

I’m currently functioning off about 3.5 hours of sleep.  I’ve had a killer tooth ache for 2 days now and suprise suprise i started yesterday. so between the lack of rest, crampies, feeling icky, tooth ache and pain killers i’m not a very happy girl at the moment.  I have that overwhelming sensation that at any point i’m going to get very ill.  I’m hoping i can drive the first few hours and then go to sleep for a bit.  sleep helps me ignor pain.

i never look forward to doing things when i’m batteling ick.  even more so ick + girl. Heres hopin’ D doesnt wind up smothering me with a pillow or something.

Closing weekend of North Carolina.  Should be heading out here with in the next few hours to head to the lovely Wake Forest for closing weekend of NC.  Albannach is supposed to be preforming and hopefully bringing a large crowd with them… unfortunatly, weather predictions also show that they are bringing with them a bit of scottish weather as well.  Hopefully the dampness doesnt keep too many people away and we can have a good weekend still.

Drive today, Set up booth, Work Saturday, Work Sunday and break down booth, Monday find storage unit for said stuff and head home.  Get home Monday evening start laundry and get set up to repack for Panama City Bike Week… Load up stock on Tuesday, Head for Panama City Wednesday morning.  Work the Bikey Rally, Head home Monday.  I have a busy busy hectic week and a half a head of me. 

I’m a bit stressed with several things but i’m keeping my head up.  Having D with me on these trips seems to make me a bit more calm and less panicy.  Doesnt hurt that he’s become quite the upseller. :)

Anywho, dryer dinged and i need to finish packing up stuff… -=crosses fingers for good sales=-  Until next time…

Gypsy Out.

Photo from TattooFest in Tampa via Phone.

I know I havent posted in a while… I figured whilst I await the dryer to do its thing I would take a little time and inform the few that follow me here whats been going on in my little world.

Not too long ago I’m pretty sure I had a massive break down which included a multitude of diffrent emotions and emotional reactions made by myself in an unclear yet crystal clear state of mind.  I honestly don’t feel like getting into all the details about this because everything that can be said, has been said and I’m tired of the verbal beatings and trying to explain myself… reguardless I have seeked medical help and most likely will be going back on some form of medication.  As much as I really dont like the idea of being medicated I have come to the conclusion that there are somethings I just need help with.

In other news, Happy News, I have accepted a full time job.  Not a “normal” job, mind you, I’m done with the normal stuff.  I’m now a manager for a company that provides beautiful hand made (not mass manufactured china bullshit) corsets to the masses at various Renn Faires, Biker Rallies and Conventions.  As a matter of fact in roughly 3 hours we will be making our way to North Carolina to work the renn faire there.  Looks like its going to be a fun trip… unfortunatly I’m not holding the title of manager this go around, this trip is more so for me to get a little bit more polished and for D to see exactlly how a guy approaches things.  In 2 weeks we’ll be heading to Leesburg Fl for a biker ralley that should be awesome.

Over all life has been a game of catch up the past few months but hopefully everything will settle down soon.  I can honestly say I’m happy and it feels good to work again.  I’m loosing weight, feel a lot more balanced and things truely are looking up for the first time in a while.  (heres hoping I didn’t just shoot myself in the foot by saying that) 

I’m going to make an active effort to update more often although honestly I’m thinking about trying to find another blog site that is a little more cell phone friendly so I can update from the road seeing how my spiffy job does require a lot of travel.

this choice you’re making
a dream unwaking
a nightmare taking me down
suffocating by my own hand
unwilling to wake
just let me sleep
let me dream
of a time and a place
where you watch me soar
where you smile again and laught as i twirl
wings spread free and wide
with nothing here to hide
come to me and let me take your pain
make it my my own, make me sain
wash it away with a brutal smile
and let this dream last a while
the maddening tick tock of passing time
wondering what i will find
docked inside my black and white mind
a cut and a slice
your eyes cold as ice
your voice like thunder raping my heart
i toss
i turn
your words make me burn
end the end i just fall apart
a few loose strings this one has
a snip and a stitch wont fix it now.

2.10.10

I finally started the second of the Kushiel books… i find it funny that i’m using a band-aid as a book mark. -=smirk=-

Finished up 2 custom fall orders tonight… glad to have them out of the way so i can start coming up with something other than random color insert blond… and now i just need to veg so i stole this from ariieth